My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?

Ok that was a neat little thing I found on someone else's blog. I guess I am just the cheap whore everyone says I am...LOL.

50ccscooter

50ccscooter
Originally uploaded by pjnorthco.

This is my new toy. I'm pretty exciting to be getting it. Granted, I always get excited when I know something new is coming.
I just have an obsessive personality, I guess. Basically with everything in life. Like with maintaining my weight. I have a little dry erase board on the fridge and I litterally write down every calorie I eat so I don't go over 2500 a day. But, that's how I've turned my obsessiveness into something that works for me. If I didn't obsess about my weight, I wouldn't care and I would gain it back. I can never do anything just a little bit, I always have to take that mile. What I need to learn, is when it's right to do that, and when it's not. But isn't that what life is all about? It's a constant lesson. And we thought we were done when we graduated...LOL.

hmmm....

"How can the Bush Administration spend 87 billion dollars to bring freedom to all Iraqi people, while at the same time seeking legislation to deny basic rights to our own citizens?" -- Harvey Fierstein

The Weekend

This has been a nice weekend so far. We went to a Bday party for Jeff's niece and nephew today. Although I had worked last night & only slept a couple hours, I made it through the day. We had kinda a big fight on the way down for some reason. It was one of those that literally blows up out of nowhere & are about nothing. We said some pretty hurtful things. Oh well, I guess it's just one of those things that happen, and thank goddess it doesn't happen with us very often. ;-)



Current Track: Justify My Love from the album "The Immaculate Collection" by Madonna

From a movie, yes, but has become my mantra

Do, or do not. There is no 'try.'
-- Jedi Master Yoda

Dubya Joke...reprinted from Jody on my message board

This is my favorite one yet!

Q: What's Dubya's stand on Roe vs. Wade?


A: He doesn't care how you get out of New Orleans.

Seasons Change

I really love the fall. The cool crisp air in the morning and evening, yet still pleasant during the day. Then, slowly it's cool all day long. Summer and Winter are ok, I like them at first, but then just get tired of them. But Spring and Fall, and mostly the latter are my favorite.
We've started hiking quite a bit. Have done a different trail every weekend for the past 2 months. Sure, to the experienced hiker they are probably the easy ones, but hey you have to start somewhere right? One our last trek we had a little friend come out to say "hi." He is the cutest little thing, and he just kinda sat there and watched us as we went by. Definitely loved to pose for the camera, maybe he's got hollywood aspirations...lol.

Just for fun...but then again, pretty accurate

Are you Addicted to the Internet? 49% Average@Internet-User.com (41% - 60%) You seem to have a healthy balance in your life when it comes to the internet and life away from the computer. You know enough to do what you want online without looking like an idiot (most of the time). You even have your own Yahoo club or online journal! But you enjoy seeing your friends and going out to enjoy life away from your computer. The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Quiz Me!

discover your jack-o-lantern face @ quiz me

Little Update

Well I made it through my first week of school. This English class is a killer, but I guess that's why they call it English COMP. Lots and lots of writing though. Oh well, maybe by the end of it, I won't be so intimidated by research papers...lol. ;-)

temporarily on hold

School started back up this week. And as part of my english class I have to keep a written journal, 14 pages a week. So after writting 2 full pages a day, I don't know if I'll have much to say on here, I guess we'll see, but if not, that's why...LOL

Does it Matter

A frequent and knowledgeable poster on a Forum I am a member of recently posted this on the board. I loved it so much I wanted to reprint it here. (p.s. thanks Moffie!)

My father asked me if I am gay.
I said, "“Does it matter?"
He said, No, not really.
I told him Yes
He said, “Get out of my life!
I guess it mattered.

My boss asked me if I am Gay.
I said, Does it matter?
He said, “No, not really.
I told him, Yes.
He said, “You a’re fired!
I guess it mattered.

My friend asked me if I am Gay.
I said, “Does it matter?
He said, No not really.
I told him, Yes
He said, “Don'’t call me your friend!
I guess it mattered.

My lover asked me, “Do you love me?
I said, Does it matter?
He said, “Yes
I told him, “I love you so much!
He said, Let me hold you in my arms.
For the first time in my life,
Something matters.

My God/dess asked me, Do you love yourself?
I said, Does it matter?
They said, Yes
I asked, How can I love myself?, I am Gay?”
They said, “That is the way we made you.
NOTHING AGAIN WILL EVER MATTER!

Reprinted from Dignity/New Mexico

RIP QAF

Whether you liked it or not, QAF was a groundbreaking show. There had never been anything like it on television. I definitely am in the "loved it" camp. I am truly sad to see it go. I got so annoyed with the nay-sayers out there. "That doesn't represent me"...bullshit. We all know an Emmet or a Ted or a Ben. And I can guarantee we all know a Brian...the gay community is full of Brians. I think the people that didn't like the show felt that way because it was too much a mirror to themselves. Was it perfect? Of course not. It still is Hollywood and still had to be entertaining and titillating. That being said, this is one of the few shows out there that I really got into. And I got teary-eyed as Sunday's show came to a close. Does that make me an emotional putz? Maybe, but I wouldn't want to be any other way. :)

Hmmm, I dunno if I agree with either one....

Take the Star Trek Quiz



Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

9news.com | News | Man holding daughter shot and killed in apparent road rage incident

And they say we don't need stricter gun laws? Sure, this guy had a valid license for his gun, but what would have happend if he hadn't had it at all? Maybe he would have still gone back, perhaps fought the guy hand to hand or with a knife, either way would have given the other guy a fighting chance. And imagine the damage done to that baby! Sure, most of us don't remember things from when we are 10 months old, but you can't tell me this didn't have some lasting impact on that poor child.

Just for Fun

I found this neat site on an online buddy's blog. So thought I would put on my Favourite Madonna song. *warning* it's one of her dirty ones. ;)

*Update: for some reason my track keeps changing, oh well..it was fun at the time..lol*

Video code provided by HotCodez.com

Why can't they have patience?

Advocate.com

I understand this is an on-going fight. But these people have to realize to accept what we have at this point. Yes, it's not equal and that's not fair, but this is what causes the backlashes, like the one we saw in the '04 election. This is going to take a long time. I mean, the civil rights movement didn't happen in a day, and in some senses, that too is still an on going battle.

Listening to The Celts from the album "The Celts" by Enya

My friend Ian finds the best quizes. :)

You scored as Soft. You are nice and soft, you love everyone and everyone loves you, while you are fiery or too exciting, you are always pleasant. Soft 81% Exciting 69% Hot 69% Wet 63% Sweet 44% Violent 38% Awkward 19% Shy 0% created with QuizFarm.com

Money can't buy happiness

But it sure can put a smile on your face. Don't get me wrong, I am not a materialistic person. It's just that we had screwed up our credit & chex-systems reports so bad, that we couldn't even get a bank account for a few years. And now in the last few months, we got a checking with a normal, nationwide bank. We were able to get regular, not pre-paid, cell phones. And even have some savings built up. I guess you could say we are still living pay check to pay check...but I definitely feel much more comfortable at this point. Knowing not every other phone call is a collector.

This hasn't been a terribly exciting week. We did some re-arranging around the house, I am back to working my graveyard shift. Cliff finally got my raise put in my check. One of these days he's going to realize that morale would go up here if he would treat us like people and not cattle.

Although I would move to Canada if I could. :)

You Are 62% American

Most times you are proud to be an American. Though sometimes the good ole US of A makes you cringe Still, you know there's no place better suited to be your home. You love your freedom and no one's going to take it away from you!

How American Are You?

I guess it's true...lol

Your Kissing Purity Score: 20% Pure

For you, it's all kiss and no talk. You're in a permanent lip lock.

Kissing Purity Test

Which is more important?

Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?

If you look to others for fulfiillment, you will never truly be fullfilled.
If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself.

Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.

-The Tao

This has got to be the hottest man around. I hadn't heard of him before Fantastic 4, and now I have the biggest crush on him...lol.

Like I said, just a big kid. ;-)

Fantastic

Well, the critics may not have liked it, but we went and saw Fantastic-4 this weekend, and I loved it!
It was so full of funny one liners, not to mention Chris Evans (Torch) is just about the hottest man in the world...lol.

Critics never seems to like movies that are just fun, they always want this deep, moving stuff...and to me, those movies are just boring half the time.

Maybe I'm just a big kid...lol.

Authorities find human remains in search for missing 9-year-old boy

9news.com | News | Authorities find human remains in search for missing 9-year-old boy

You know, this is where I grew up. This sort of thing isn't supposed to happen there. I mean, I never had a key to my parents house because we never locked the door for god sake...and that was in the 90s! It's just so sad that this kinda thing is happening, even in little po-dunk Idaho.

Domesticated

Maybe I am just becoming too domesticated. My first pride was the year I came out, and that was in London. That was amazing. Then of course Denver's for a couple years, & the pilgramige to Mecca... San Fran's Pride. Now, I haven't been in a couple years. Too me it just seems like the same thing every year. Topless lesbiens, oiled up porn stars. Booth after booth of people wanting you to buy some useless trinket. I know they have their place, but not for us anymore. This is what we spent our weekend doing:



So, like I said, maybe we've just become too domestic... but at this point in my life, it's exactly where I want to be.

The Grass is always Greener

Ok, I know the title sound like it's going to be a bad thing...but it's actually quite literal. Deb and I (as well as her oft'gone boyfriend..by her choosing) installed sod all week at the house. It looks so much better then the weed crop we had in the front and the dirt farm in the back. ;-) The finishing touches on the house are really coming together. I am so hopeful that we will be able to buy it when the time comes.

There was a huge lightning display to the east on my way to work tonight. Big billowing clouds and non-stop lightning between them. It really got me thinking, how something can be so dangerous yet so beautiful at the same time. That even in the most difficult, trying times in our life there is a beautiful side to find.

more to come

Haven't been updating as much, as the title says more to come soon, I promise. :)

Addiction, Control, Pain
Fear, Loss
Falling, Sinking, Drowning

One day at a time

Getting over not taking the position out in Junction. I really wanted it..but what are you going to do? I don't want to be one of those people that puts career ahead of family and end up with no family at the end.

I had an interesting conversation with Cliff today. He has been covering for another hotel out in Grand Junction, which is about 3.5 hours west of here. They've officially offered him the hotel with a substantial raise, and he told me tonight he wants to bring me onboard as a revenue manager ASAP. This would mean going from a $10.50 and hour position, to a $27,000 a year position plus bonuses.

If I were single, I would be on the road tonight....lol. However, Jeff still has a year left of school and I know how much he loves it here...although since he's going into Wildlife Management he could basically work anywhere in Colorado. ;)

So, when he calls me this morning, I am going to discuss it with him. It's one of those things where you have to choose what is the higher priority, which isn't really fair. Although, there are options, I mean we could live apart for a year, and visit on weekends and days off. I mean after 9 years, I think we could probably handle that, but who knows?

Your power is: The ability to fly

Explanation: This powers speaks pretty
much for itself. Though you don't need wings
for this power,you can fly anyway. Some people
may consider it as telekinesis since they can
also fly, but you can't make material things
move like they can. This ability could be a
relaxing activity when you want to get away
from everyday troubles. Also it is good when
sneaking upon an enemy since it makes no sound.
When going over to the "dark side"
the power could be used to harrass and break
into building through windows etc.
You are quite similar to this power since you
like to have your head in the clouds.
Supernatural things amuse while ordinary life
does not. If your daydreaming has gotten a
little too far you might be zooned out all the
time, even when you are having a conversation.
Your desires and/or goals tend to be
unrealistic even if you know those would
probably never happen. Travelling is something
you would be interested in doing since seeing
exotic scenery fits with your fantasies of
escaping your plain life. You can also have
some creative ability (writer, playing an
instrumen etc) that interests you.
Negative aspects: The whole reason you
may be escaping life could be fear of being let
down by it. So if that would come to happen,
and an important dream had been crushed you
could get depressed.

What Power is Compatible With You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a white dragon, pure and noble, you would
help humans if they desprately need you. YOu
are kind and wise with a heart of gold.


Which Dragon resides in your soul? (cool pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

one of those days

You ever have one of those days? I couldn't find my keys at work so I ended up calling locksmith who had to bust into my car, and make a new key for me. That was $40. Then I had to basically break into my own house, since that key was on the keychain. Once I got back to work tonight; I found them they had somehow fallen way behind one of the computer shelves, which is why I didn't see it this morning, so that was basically a wasted $40. Got in a fight with Jeff, cuz I should have called him to see if he had any ideas, which looking back now sounds like a good idea, but this morning I didn't want to seem like some helpless kid. But, yeah it was a doozy of a fight...it's amazing how those things just build upon themselves untill you are fighting over things that happend 6 years ago.

Today is my officiall 4 month test...the gold seal...keep your fingers crossed for me. :)

Off again

Jeff's leaving in the morning. :-( It was a nice 5 days he was home..well 4.5...lol. This time he's going to be gone for 12 days, but then he can come home for 10! :-)
I really do miss him when he's gone. I guess being with someone for almost 10 years will do that to you...lol. I've always thought I didn't have the ability to have that deep, true love. I mean I always know I care about people and I do my best to be good to them, and I know I've always loved him, but never had those feelings some people talk about.

That deep, all encompasing passion. Now that we've decided to not have an open relationship anymore I can feel that I want to keep my relationship more than I want to have a quick lay. And the more I realize that, the more I realize I have that deep love, that soul mate love. The crazy thing is, it was always there, I just never let it out.

Jeff will be home tomorrow! I going to try to drag him to see Star Wars. I know he doesn't really want to go, but after being gone that long I don't want to leave him at home/be away from him...so we'll see. Maybe I'll just have to hold off and go after he leaves again. ;-)
One of my instructors still hasn't posted my grade yet! She's really starting to piss me off. I understand people get busy, but h-e-l-l-o this is my college career you're being lazy about, not to mention it can affect my student loan status. (I'm really going to regret those once I graduate...LOL)

Weekend

Ok, I made it to the first weekend with Jeff being gone. It's so crazy how sometimes I feel smothered and controled by him; but when he's not here I miss him so much! I know he means well and everything he does comes from his heart. I know I don't deserve the patience and understanding he gives me. I hope some day I can really be the kind of man he should have.

Currently song: "Force of Gravity" by BT

On my own...well for a while

Wow, it's been over a week since my last posting; things have been busy...lol.
Jeff left for the first part of his project on Weds. This one is in Southern Colorado. He's going to come back on Friday, after his Dad works on the car. We got a notice from the dealer that we were supposed to replace the timing belt at 60k miles and we are at 72k, so it's about time I suppose.

This is going to be the big test if I can be a good boy. Sometimes I wonder if I have an addiction, and my poison just happens to be sex. I mean i the past I acted just like an addict, I snuck around, I lied, I would indulge myself, then feel tremendously guilty afterwards. Then you have these guys that I have chatted with that have long-term relationships and their partners have no idea that they are screwing around, and it doesn't seem like it even phases them. Do they not feel the guilt I do? Then again, if I truly felt guilty why did I do it so many times?

Currently Listening to: Hope Has a Place from the album "The Memory Of Trees" by Enya

boredom

You're Soroity Slut Barbie! You're easy and you're
really cheesy! Have fun with the entire
football team.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla





I'm trying to decide if this is accurate...LOL.

Ups and Downs

For the most part this was a great day. Jeff got a call back the place he had applied for his paid internship, and he was given the position! :-)
Most of the project is in Nebraska, so that means he's going to be gone for 4-5 days a week from May 15th-July 15th. But that's ok...he is so excited, he's actually working in the field that he's getting his degree in. And the money's pretty good to, we'll be pretty comfortable through the summer, which is when we are usually tight since he doesn't get his GI Bill payments during the summer.

For some reason though, we got into a bit of a tiff this evening. Just stupid little things that get blown up and you say biting things to each other...just dumb.

Currently Listening to: Dark Lady from the album "Cher Greatest Hits" by Cher

Perspective

Well this was going to be a whimsical post. Full of crap about my new Operating System and cheating on the diet this weekend. Sometimes things change...

I was chatting with my friend Mikie from LA. He used to live in Fort Collins, moved back home to Omaha, then got a dream job for an A-list rock band in LA. While he was back in Omaha he reconnected with his soulmate, Jamie; everything was going so wonderfully with them. As I said I was chatting with him, like we usually do late at night, and he didn't seem his normal chipper self...

Well then he dropped the bomb...Jamie is poz! :( Ok, so we start discussing this, then there is the next bomb...how they found out. Jamie was having "knock you on your ass" headaches, so they went to the Doc and of course they run tons of tests. So the HIV was just a "nice" surprise. Turns out he also has a brain tumor!! Ok, this kid is like 22 fucking years old!! I feel so terrible for them. I'm not one to say stuff like "how can god do stuff like this?" But sometimes it just fits. I know everything is supposed to happen for a reason...but DAMN!!

So yeah, this really was something that puts the little things into perspective.

Crossroads from the album "Crossroads" by Tracy Chapman

This was a busy weekend, ended up working an extra 5 hours on Saturday, was off Sunday then an 18 hour split shift on Monday. Good thing my job isn't all that hard...lol. And I know I am going to love that OT on the check.

Well I love my T-shirts with corny messages on them, and I ordered a new one this weekend:

Looking forward to getting this one. :-) Although, I don't think this one is corny...hehehe.

Finally the week is over

Well, we made it through another week! Don't have too many plans for this weekend. Going hiking on Sunday, that should be fun. I like going on the weekends. Last weekend I was a bit of a wuss, but that hike was more intense then I had expected...lol.

The neighbor guy came over today. Boy was he pissed! Was yelling at me, I was yelling back, finally Jeff came out, basically pushed me back in the house and talked to the guy. I admit I was in no mind to talk rationally to him. I felt like just in his face, luckily Jeff was the calmer head. And after about 20 minutes I went over and talked to him calmly, and sorta worked things out with him. Agreed with him, that I should have came to him first if I had a problem. He took it as me "tattling" which, whatever, he can think what he wants. And yes, I smoothed it over...he does live right next door to me, and...as I found out today..is quite the hic-country boy..lol. But, if I see it EVER again, I will call the cops!!

On a lighter note, only 6 more days till Jeff's mom comes home and we don't have her dog anymore. She's sweet, but it's defintely crowded! LOL.
Saw the Star Wars trailer today, I am so looking forward to seeing it! Jeff says he's not going with me, but I am going to drag him kicking and screeming! LOL

Ok, I just couldn't allow myself to just do nothing. I went over and spoke with Deb and told her what I had seen. She was planning on calling the landlord of that house anyway, since she was re-doing the fence and he was going to pay for half. She told me that he was quite angry to hear that. (he's an animal lover too) He said he was going to talk to the guy about it, and if we see it again he will be kicked out. Now, is all this best for the dog? I don't know. Hopefully it is, and that the guy at the very least realizes people are watching and that he can't do that anymore. And I am going to defintely continue to reach over the fence and love on this cute dog, I just don't understand, a dog gives you unconditional love; how anyone can't treat one like that?

Ok, I was a little bored at work and saw these quizes on other people's blogs...lol.



Which ArchAngel are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Rafael. You're most like the ArchAngel of Healing.
You want people to shape up, and you nag. But
you mean well, and you're well loved despite
it. Or because of it. You bring the donuts
even as you tell people to eat more veggies.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.

Moral Dilemma

Have you ever had a situation where you just didn't know what to do? Today I had one.

Our new neighbors (have been there a few weeks) next door have a German Short Hair dog (about the size of a lab). He always seemed really shy to me. And it seems like they never let him in the house. Ok, I love animals quite insanely...to me they are children. But, I know lots of people have outside dogs, so I let it go...until today...

This poor dog sometimes tears things up in the backyard (wouldn't you if you were outside all the time?) And since this is a rented house that creates a whole separate issue. Well anyway, I noticed when I got out of my car this morning he had torn off some edging around some landscaping in their yard...I thought to myself..."Uh oh, he's in trouble" Thinking he might get scolded and perhaps a few swats with a newspaper. Well, this guy comes out, literally picks the dog up, slams him down, hold him by the neck and hits him about 5 in the head with his open hand. Keeping in mind he was giving it the full swing, I mean I could hear it everytime he hit the poor thing. I closed the door on my car and he looked up at me and stopped. He pulled the dog to it's doghouse and tossed him into it.

Here's the dilemma..WHAT DO I DO?? I know he saw me, I can handle myself if he wanted to try and thing with me, but there is only a chain link fence between our 2 houses, and it would take nothing for him to reach over and grab Biscuit or Flo and throw them against the wall. I mean look what he did to his own dog!! I called the Humane Society and they said I could file a statement and they could serve him a summons for animal cruelty, but she agreed and a said I had a valid concern about my own dogs. I just don't know what to do. In the mean time I've reach over the fence and loved on the poor thing, just so he knows at least someone cares about him.

www.usatoday.com

Doesn't he look like Robert Blake? LOL

I am not Catholic, so his election doesn't have a huge direct effect on me; however the fact that he is the spiritual leader of aprox 1 billion people frightens me a lot. His past in Hitler's army is particularly troubling...however "reluctantly" he served. As well as him being so ultra-conservative...kinda makes me feel the same way I did when I realized this country had ACTUALLY elected Bush for a 2nd term.

Currently listening to: : "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefanie

That's odd

Ok, there was something wierd going on with my previous posting. I had a pic from apple's website concerning Tiger release, fully credited and now it's gone. I've made sure my HTML code was right and even redid it, and yet it won't let me post. I guess the powers that be think I am stealing images or something, H-E-L-L-O I was praising Apple, being excited about it's release of the new OS. Oh well, I guess there was rules on here I didn't know about. :-p

~Added a few hours later: Ok, scratch that, I figured it out...LOL ;-)

Anyway, other than that, pretty average day, little bit of this, little bit of that...little bit more of this. ;0)

current song: "Play" By:Jennifer Lopez

www.apple.com

Those wonderful guys at Apple have released the new Ver of OS X! Ok, ok, I am a big ole dork, but Mac supporters are almost cult like! LOL. And really it does have some great new features. And as Jeff and I were "bickering" over the fact if we were going to buy it or not, I noticed on one of my other boards that someone had ordered it with an educational discount..well hmmm...we are both students...and HELL YEAH we ordered it 50% off!!
I admit it, I just like my new toys, I am a big kid that way, but I know that about myself, and I like it about myself. ;-)

I really feel like I've gotten things acomplished this weekend. I finally got that spare room cleaned out. So now we can proceed to get the office moved over there, and use this room as the guest room it was kinda meant to be. The backyard is getting progress...Deb and James got the whole fence done...well they still need to do the part in the middle, but that will be easy. I got all the extra dirt spread out over that stupid dip in the yard that the people who were here before had put in, I don't even know what the hell for...a garden maybe? Who knows...anyway, it's going to look great once the sod goes in. :-)

This really was a good weekend, let's hope it continues into the coming week. :-D

Ride the Pain

I downloaded a song by Juliet yesterday called "Ride the Pain". Part of the chorus goes, "Ride the Pain into the Pleasure" Now, I realize this is just a catchy dance song, but those words really hit me as a metephor for life. We really do have to ride the pain in order to get to the pleasure. The pain is what makes us grow, with out it we would never learn the lessons set before us in this life. Whatever those lessons may be.

PS: on a naughty note, to bottoms and vers guys~this holds a special meaning. ;-)

Pope and Circumstance

Ok, I understand the Pope was a very important person in the world, and to catholics especially. But I've never understood huge extravagant funerals. Even for world leaders. The dearly departed is gone, they aren't there. The funeral is for those left behind. Does doing all that make you feel better? Just think how many hungry mouths could be fed, or cold bodies could be given shelter with the amount of money that was spent on that funeral. I mean no dis-respect, just my perspective.

1/2 way thru the week

Here we are at Weds! Only a couple more days till the weekend, woo hoo. We have to go down to Denver this weekend to get Jeff's mom's dogs, we are baby sitting for 2 weeks..ugh. They are good dogs and all, but that means we are going to have 4 dogs in the house, going to be interesting...LOL.

So the DH are actually fighting now, huh? We all knew it was only a matter of time. Wonder if that show is just going to implode after it's first couple seasons, it has been known to happen.

Todays quiz: A farmer goes to town on Weds; stays 2 days and then rides home on Thursday...how is this possible?

Advocate.com | News | Dutch gays couples divorce at about the same rate as heterosexuals

Advocate.com | News

Imagine that? More proof that gay people are just as normal as straight people in their relationships? How can that be? :-p

Well this weekend was a great time! I have to admit when Jeff first got into birding my first reaction was "Oh lord" But it's really becoming a great time, we saw some wonderful birds this weekend. The cranes were amazing!! And we both saw our first cardinals today.

That drive to Nebraska is long and flat though...lol.

This is a pretty short entry, but my head is bouncing off the keyboard as I type this, so I bid thee au revoir.

TGIF

Well, here we are at Friday. Jeff and I are leaving in the morning to go to Nebraska, I know doesn't sound like much fun...but it's going to be. I've just become such a nature lover and to see thousands and thousands of cranes rousting, then taking off together, is just going to be amazing!

They say the pope is almost gone. I'm not a catholic or anything, but it still is sad. He's a good man, I may not agree with his political ideals, but nonetheless, he is a good man. And I wish him nothing but the best in his journey into the spirit realm.

Is anyone surprised? LOL

Gay Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ok, I love quizilla..How did I know this is what my result would be? lol

It takes all kinds

Ok, some wierd things happend yesterday. I get to work and Sam tells me these people checked in and actually asked if there were any gay people staying at the hotel; because they dispise "those kind of people" and if they found out that there were, they would invoke the 100% satisfaction guarantee, and speak to the manager. I had to laugh , little did they know the manager is a big 'ole homo!! LOL. But, it is a little frightening, I know there are still close minded people in the world...and that is their right to think that way...but when you hear words like "dispise"...well it's just frightening.

Busy Day

This was a great day. Busy, busy, busy! We started the morning with a 5-mile walk in Fort Collins along the Poudre trail. That was great, saw lots of wildlife. I may not be as into the birding as Jeff is, but I still think it's beautiful.
Then once we got home, we desided to attack the damn store room that has been up to the ceiling with boxes since we moved in...wince. It's now a clean utility room. It was nice that James said he could take all those boxes, saves having to take them to the recylcing center.
Finally, we gave the car a good cleaning, inside & out. OMG did it need it! But it looks nice now. :0)
My Dad called twice today. Once at 8am right before we left for the hike, he sounded either drunk or stoned...wasn't sure. But there was another message around 530pm wishing us a happy easter again so I would speculate he was drunk the first time, that's when he usually forgets. The stoned calls he usually remembers. UGH, he can be annoying sometimes. But what are you going to do...no one is perfect, and everyone else has turned there back on him. I do worry about his health though, and Robbie's as well. Those meds that Robbie takes are toxic enough without adding alcohol and/or pot. But, I guess he's lasted this long, so something must be ok. ;-)
I do miss my family, sometimes I wish we could live closer to them. But the only option would be Seattle, because I just don't think I could handle Spokane, and if we lived as far as Seattle, we may as well be here...there would be about as many visits. And if you exclude Mom & Dad and Dad & Robbie that would equal zero! I can't really blame them though, they all have kids, and it makes it very hard to put trips together, I just wish I could see my nieces and nephews grow up. I feel like my aunt terri, when I was a kid, she lived in Portland, and we saw her about once every few years. I mean Kelice is the only one that really knows me...to the rest of them, I am just this person they are told they are supposed to call Uncle Pat, but they don't really know me. Oh well, what are you gonna do? LOL
Gawd this entry went all kinds of directions...guess that's what was on my mind tonight. :0)

Back on the Wagon

Jeff and I have been back on the Low-Carb wagon full force since Tuesday. It was about time too! I was begining to feel like such crap, and when I got on that scale and saw I was over 200 again, I about cried!! Cookies and cake don't taste that damn good! Especially with the low-carb treats that are out there. It's funny, I didn't think I would have the will power to be as strict as I was before, but once I desided, it was like a light switch. I am so glad that it's only 25 lbs this time and not the 110 it was before. I fully expect to be back where I was in 1-2 months. And there will never be a "vacation" again. This is a lifestyle, not a "diet". I don't know why we let ourselves slide back into that again...sure the regular fast food was good, sure the desserts are good, but not when I am gaining 10 lbs a month. And not feeling like exercising..which just compounds it. Nope, no more cheating, no reason to!! Ok, that's my soap box about that.

I made my appointment for my 6-week post exposure test today, it's next Thursday. Jeff said he's worried, and I can tell as he was being moody today. I am quite sure I am fine, but you always want to double check. He's coping device of thinking and planning for the worse gets to me sometimes. Granted, like he said, if you are already on the bottom in your mind, there's no where to go but up. But, I think that thinking positive (and being realistic) and maybe getting let down is better, at least that way you are happy up until that point, and if you get good news...there was no wasted energy.

Out of options

Well, Terry Shiavo's parents are out of options, and there she lays in that bed...no food or water. We discussed this before class today. My instructor worked in Nursing homes for years, he explained to me that in that state there are no brain waves, that's what makes it different from someone who has, say Huntington's...in those cases there is upper level brain activity. But I still don't know. I don't know if I actually believe that she can't feel pain. Although, the fact that they have her filled up with Morphine does help. That would help a fully aware person with severe pain. I truly hope that she can't feel what's happening to her, I truly hope, as John said, her system will just slowly shut down and she will fade away peacefully.

Crazy World

I just don't get it, life used to seem so much simpler. We have this stupid war going on, a 16 yr old going on a killing spree, Terri Shaivo being starved to death...sometimes I long for the days when my biggest concern was what to wear to school.

Is it wrong that I didn't really care what was happening outside my little world then? I don't think so! Those days when my mind wasn't racing with all this drama in the world. That could have been me in Iraq...had I stayed in the military, that could be going on that shooting rampage...had I been in similar circumstances, and that could be me...trapped in my own body...unable to communicate, unable to let people know that yes I can feel myself dying of thirst and starvation.

Wow, this post was quite the ramble, but sometimes we just need to get our thoughts out, whether or not they string together. :)

First Day

Having not been too impressed with Live Journal, I had basically gone off the idea of having a blog. But, I stumbled upon this site through the aidsmeds.com forum, and thought I would give it another shot. Lord knows I need to vent sometimes...LOL.

Things are finally starting to calm down a bit. I say that, but the funny thing is Jeff and I have gotten into a couple big fights in the last couple days. But he made a very good point to me today, it has only been a month, and I screwed up big time. For all we know I could still be poz...sure I have tested neg once using PCR test, but I still have to get the normal test. Probably going to do that next week, which will be 6-weeks post exposure. Jeff has been so good to me over the years, and all I've done is hurt him. Why am I so selfish? I like to think I am a good person, yet I do these stupid things that hurt him, why??

I hope when all this settles down (regardless of the results from my test) that he and I can continue on the path we started a month ago when all this went down. That we can have a truly commited relationship, and not just go through the motions of being a couple.